My Unplanned Sabbatical

Telling the girls

Harder than telling the family.

They get it.

They are OK.

Telling the family

Now this was going to be tuff. We had been doing all we can to deal with this alone. Had it not been for the need for an operation on the 19th of December we had decided not to tell our family until after christmas.

The procedure on Monday the 19th forced our hand.

Fortunately (or unfortunately) it was Siena’s birthday on the 17th and we had arranged for our extended family to celebrate Siena’s birthday and the new home. So we would have all the important people in one room.

On Sunday the 18th all arrived with big smiles, hugs and kisses for Siena and the rest of us. The usual excitement of seeing a new home etc etc so the day was evolving beautifully. I keep looking over at Petra knowing that the time would arrive that we would need to share the news. Even writing about this makes me feel a little ill. We decided we would wait until after we cut the cake, sang happy birthday and then all the children would be outside playing.

It was time.

Petra was magnificent. We decided she would tell them. I thought I may not have gotten through it and was worried any sign of emotion from me would rattle my mother even further.

Without sharing to much it was the hardest thing I/we have had to sit through to date.

The word “cancer” comes with such baggage that notwithstanding what I have is treatable it takes time to cut through that baggage so as there is an accurate understanding.

That day was an important first step on letting those around us understand what we have been dealing with and will deal with. There have been and no doubt will be many more of those conversations.

No doubt

The Oncologist, the Surgeon and the move

I was able to get an appointment with a Haematologist and Oncologist very quickly. It was to be Friday the 16th of December.

It was a big week. We moved home on the 15th of December so we had been planning and executing the move, settling the kids into the new home and managing the impact of what was becoming not a great news story. We had not shared any of this with our family so understandably the demand of an extended family pre Christmas continued unabated.

The meeting with Dr G (will not share his details) was excellent. At last a quality professional. It was more a therapy session than one dealing with the medical condition. Clearly he was experienced in this area.

We needed to do a range of tests to confirm the preliminary diagnosis. This required a biopsy. Given that the tumour was deep in my chest the preferred option was a surgical biopsy. It was 11.00 am Friday the 16th, he suggested I see a surgeon that day, our girls were at school and had to be picked up at 3.00 pm. They were keen to get home to try their new pool!

Appointment made for 5.00 pm that night. Some fancy phone calls and the girls were looked after while went to meet the surgeon. Mr C.

Mr C was very good. Finally showed me the details of my CT scan where for the first time I saw the large tumour happily growing in my chest. It was near my heart, behind my stomach and lungs. Impressive I thought.

We agreed a surgical biopsy was the way to go and I was booked in for surgery the following Monday morning, the 19th of December.

“Quite a lump”

The senior radiographer with people skills honed in Guantanamo Bay left me in reception to arrange for a CT scan. The clinic was fully booked so my first opportunity was the next morning.

I left and drove to work.

I lasted 2 hours in the office.

I returned home to share the experience with Petra. I was feeling a little flat and concerned and started to contemplate all that could be wrong. I also discussed it with a close friend at work to get some perspective.

The CT scan was an uneventful experience.

The following day the results were provided to my GP with a preliminary diagnosis of  retroperinial lymphoma.

My GP was not in so it was left to a locum to deliver the news. Another great day for the medical profession.

This gentlemen could not use the software to locate the report, then read the report out to himself as he adjsusted his bifocals and then during this little performance he said “thats quite a lump” and then kept on reading.

I had to laugh and asked if i could please read it myself. He handed a printed out copy to me and said “we better refer you to an oncologist”.

“I wish we had rooms for this stuff”

Monday the 7th of December at 7.30 am I dropped into have my ultrasound. First scan for the day as I planned to go to work after it was done. It was meant to be a 10 minute scan of my upper abdomen.

45 minutes later and my banter failing to impress an increasingly perplexed looking junior radiographer the first thought that all may not be going well entered my head. Then came the statement “I will just get the senior radiographer to have a quick look, wont be long, just rest for a while”.

The senior radiographer came in, said nothing to me, looked at the images and then turned to me smiled and said “please get dressed and I will chat with you outside”.

I dressed and returned to the waiting room and waited patiently for “my chat”.

She entered the waiting room with some authority, approached me and then in full view of all in the waiting room said “I wish we had rooms for this stuff”. This stuff! I said “This stuff, what stuff”!! “What do you need to tell me”.

Clearly not off to the best start in building a long term relationship with this person – she looked at me as said – “lets walk and talk”.

A brief history – chest pain

Woke at 1am the morning of the 4th of December with crushing feeling in my chest. Initially my melodramatic Italian response was that I may be having a heart attack, but clearly not the case. Sat up in bed for 3 hours or so and it finally passed. Mentioned this incident to Petra in the morning and given her concern for my income earning capacity suggested I see the doctor.

Made an appointment at ERA Health across the road from work for the following day.

After an ECG and a range of blood tests any issue with my heart was discounted but the GP felt I may have gall stones and suggested an ultrasound.

A brief history – chest pain

Woke at 1am the morning of the 4th of December with crushing feeling in my chest. Initially my melodramatic Italian response was that I may be having a heart attack, but clearly not the case. Sat up in bed for 3 hours or so and it finally passed. Mentioned this incident to Petra in the morning and given her concern for my income earning capacity suggested I see the doctor.

Made an appointment at ERA Health across the road from work for the following day.

After an ECG and a range of blood tests any issue with my heart was discounted but the GP felt I may have gall stones and suggested an ultrasound.

The sun is shining

Thanks to Peter Williams and Damien Tampling for providing me with a number of options to host a blog. I was using the Google Blog site but somehow I have lost access to that site and all my work to date. A little disappointing, but it is likely to have nothing to do with Google and all to  with my technical ability.

I have decided to keep a simple blog as a short record of my engagement with Follicular Lymphoma. It will also allow my friends and family to stay updated with the journey.

On of the things that first strikes you when you receive news such as this and begin to share it with family and friends is the discomfort and understandable awkwardness most individuals feel when responding. Generally, most are unsure about how to help, how often they should enquire about your health, what questions to ask etc. So I figure that by having this information out there this will help somewhat.

I am now on my odd sabbatical. I handed over my responsibilities on the 1st of February and then transitioned out of the practice. It is a really odd experience. I had imagined spending 3 months in Italy or France or somewhere – not Camberwell. It is what it is.

I am extremely grateful and fortunate that I am able to take this time to focus on getting better. The Deloitte partnership is special that way. Its not until you need this type of support that you can truly appreciate its value. So a very big thank  you to all at Deloitte for supporting me.

I was diagnosed with this form of cancer on the 21st of December 2011. The first hint that something was not quite right was on the 4th of December 2011.