Pre game ritual-for the last time…
If feels a little surreal that I am preparing for the last two black bags..(with a some luck).
I have had quiet day today and I have been reflecting on the last 7 months and 5 months of active treatment. I can recall the good Dr saying “take some time to feel the sand between your toes” over summer before the journey begins. At that stage I recall being frustrated, wanting to start right away and the thought of having to wait until February for my “medicine” was a source of frustration and angst. I now have a deeper and clearer appreciation of what he was suggesting.
I am not going to write too much about it now but the past 5 months have been pretty tricky and challenging on so many levels and I am thankful that I have reached this point in pretty good shape all things considered. I am ready for this to end. I am over it, however if my results late August are such that I need to continue the treatment or try something new I feel I can stump up again without great difficulty. My family has done so well over this period, I am incredibly proud of how they have each approached this individually and as a collective.
I am approaching tomorrow and the August tests with well founded optimism as all results to date would support a good outcome. I also believe that as each day of crap passes over the coming weeks it will be gone forever, not to be repeated. This is something unique to the last chemo cycle and I hope this will make it more manageable, mentally.
I don’t feel particularly great today. I have not fully shaken off the impact of last months cycle. I feel its claws still in me, so I will start tomorrow slightly weaker that at the same time last round. Not much I can do about it.
I have been drinking more fluids than usual and have spent a good part of the day just walking around Camberwell with the dog and thinking.
I will soon start to pack my bag for tomorrow with plenty of fruit, healthy snacks, my Ieverything and headphones. Tonight, I will “carb up”, drink more water than I want to and try to get to bed early and hopefully sleep.
We have received great support from friends this week as given the school holidays it is a challenge having the girls looked after. A big thank you. You know who you are.
Here we go……
My Unplanned Sabbatical 