My Unplanned Sabbatical

Moving along by the insider

So as you can read we are living the world of medical illness. It is now no longer a journey of new experiences but rather a cycle of repetitive events. Our calender that was once is marked by birthday,social gatherings and holidays is now marked by the medical appointments and chemotherapy dates. I find myself paralysised , ineffective with actions[ change address on licence] ,tasks and projects that should be undertaken.

But soon our acute treatment phase will cease and what then??? Will we go back to life as it was before , fast and furious?? Will this experience change us? Will we have expectations that this should be life changing…what ever that means and will I be more effective in my actions. The most important question is will Serg still blog and will you out there in cyberspace be interested in what he has to say… surely you will ..

I suspect there is more to come , another new journey full of new experiences . Its not just over when the last drop of chemotoxins is delivered.

Work

Worked today. Felt ok. Lots of talking and listening. Managed ok although I was struggling a bit towards the end of the day.

A bigger day tomorrow is planned so will rest tonight and retire to bed early.

It was good to see the team and catch up briefly with friends and colleagues.

Tricky weekend

It has been a challenging weekend for me on a range of levels. I am struggling with a number of things. I have been
feeling ok but get hit with feelings of intense fatigue and mild anxiety at what appears to be at random throughout the day, although more pronounced mid to late afternoons.

Yesterday was very tricky and so far today has been a bit up and down. I put myself to bed at 7.30pm last night and slept about 12 hours which was a heap for me. This morning the family and I all watched Lily run cross country and then we we out for breakfast. Lily ran well, was first for her club and fourth over all.

The house is mine this afternoon as the twins are at a basketball clinic (so much sport) and Petra and Siena are out doing Mother/daughter things. I am tracking the credit card! Joke.

I love the quiet.

I am preparing a presentation as part of a bid for this Wednesday. I have to admit I am not enjoying doing that today but it has to be done (hence the distraction of writing this blog entry. Like a teenager cleaning their room during exam week).

It’s a grind, not flowing, must be my brain. Some of the neural connections appear to be misfiring or the connection is simply lost!

Although thankful of my time off to deal with this cancer I think I have been a little unlucky with two of my major clients going to tender during the period of my absence (maybe that says something). At least the second one is timed a little better in relation to my chemo cycles.

Tonight we have people over for dinner but I will excuse myself pretty early I think.

This coming week I believe will test me a bit as I will work Monday, all day Tuesday and then lead the bid on Wednesday. Interesting to see how I cope and pull up physically and mentally.

It is what it is.

Friends

It is not new that illness or adversity brings people together. In addition to the significant support and contact with my existing circle of family and friends, I have also experienced over the last 5 months a large number of reconnections with good friends that for a range of reasons “life” had caused a drift in connection.

One positive in this experience.

I was given a gift today by a friend that I did not expect and blew me away. It is a Hawthorn football jumper signed by all 2012 players as a marker for this year. The signatures were obtained for this purpose by her relative that works in club administration. Not easy to do and a gift I will cherish.

It will be framed and hung in my “man cave”!

A day in the office

It was good to go to work today to work with the team on a project. I enjoyed it.

The 6.30 am alarm however was a rude shock to my system as I have become accustomed to one of our beautiful daughters bringing me breakfast in bed around 8.00am before they leave for school. Such an indulgence I love.

It was really only a half day at work and that was manageable. It was nice to catch up with friends and colleagues as well.

Glorious weather today and I will play some basketball with the girls when they arrive home from school.

Feeling pretty good.

A full day

Ok these blogs are starting to get a bit inane given some of the more interesting pain, suffering and mental anguish has abated for a while. It’s morphing into something akin to a public diary.

Today was a pretty good day. There was a flurry of various trades and other support people in the house during the morning. This house just consumes people!!

I exercised over lunch for a good while, read, participated in a conference call then picked up the girls from School.

Dinner was fun tonight with the girls in full swing asking questions about boys, girls, what is attractive and what is not etc, etc. All very funny and way to early for my liking! No, only joking its good to have these conversations.

I am going into work tomorrow and have a pretty full day planned. I am looking forward to this but I am also a little anxious. I will need to bring plenty of fruit, snacks and water with me and I will also need to take time outs if it gets a bit heavy for me. I may need a Nanna nap in the sick bay! Probably the only time it’s will be used for purpose. You never know what I may find in there, best to lock the door.

It will also be great to catch up with people I have not seen for a while. I am sensing a few coffees! Be warned.

I have been reading a heap of different books on diverse topics ranging from Cadel Evans to Gordon Parker on Psychiatry. Petra is on her second “Shades of Grey book” which is a little like the lord of the rings, or a ring, but different.

Any reading suggestions greatly appreciated.

Early to bed as I need to get up way earlier than I am used to. I am getting soft.

An intense day

Today has been a little intense.

I had a long and interesting appointment with my oncologist. I was pleasantly surprised to be seen by the oncologist that first assisted with my diagnosis in December. He has been off the scene after I was handed over to the clinical trial. He has been lurking in the background but I was not aware. Now that this is approaching the end with only 2 cycles to go he is back in the front office!

He is such a good Dr.

We had a very long consult. At times it was not at all easy but it’s all part of the journey. We are better for having him back as part of the team. He gets me and what I am facing and communicates in manner that is appropriate for my personality. He also has great empathy for Petra and the range of other issues we face as a family.

I then had an appointment in the afternoon with a psychologist who is part of the overall approach to care. This was also intense but worthwhile. I was feeling a little smashed by the end of the day so I booked a massage for an hour. That was perfect.

Early to bed.

Eurovision

Watching Eurovision final with the family. Bets are on Sweden although I think the Greek entry is tidy and the Spanish girl has a big voice! We have not googled the results so we are flying blind!

Today was good, started with Lily cross county run, Mika the dog 2 year old party and ended with dinner with good friends. Siena found a recipe for dog muffins and baked the dog muffins for a treat, girls sang happy birthday. So indulged, first world activity.

Feeling tired but good.

Fatigue

I planned to spend this Saturday with the girls at various sporting activities as I missed last week completely.

I am feeling really fatigued this part of the month so I did not make it to Alessia and Lily netball and basketball.

As Siena was playing in the finals I watched her team play. They did well, the game was close but in the end they lost by 2. Siena was shattered.

I spent a reasonable chunk of the day sleeping and half watching the football. My football team was thumped and played terribly so I guess it was not to bad that I slept through most of it.

We had an early family dinner at a local Greek restaurant and I have now retired to bed. It’s 7.30ish and I can hear the girls watching Eurovision downstairs. Such a tragic show!

My nausea has been replaced by waves of fatigue so intense they stop me in my tracks. Incredible really, even breathing feels like it requires conscious thought.

I wanted to train today and I promised myself I would. I was sitting and thinking to myself, next ad break I will start, come on get up, get up, don’t be a sloth, get up start moving, but I couldn’t.

Very unusual.

This feeling of intense fatigue would pass only to return a couple of hours later. A bit weird and very frustrating. It hit me again at the restaurant tonight so I thought it best to get to bed early.

Lily reminded me that our dog is 2 years old tomorrow and we need to buy her a bone and have a dog party. I guess that’s what we will do tomorrow.