My Unplanned Sabbatical

A journey with follicular lymphoma

Archive for the category “Uncategorized”

Concentrated living

Another Sunday starting with cross country running in the morning and ending in a dinner out with family. The early afternoon was broken with a sleep to recharge the batteries.

Managed to train and then go for a long walk with Siena.

I am feeling pretty ordinary. I have still not shaken the heavy fatigue that sets in and nausea that seems to come and go at will.

I push on and smile and do as much as I can but it’s bloody hard. It is like concentrated living within a two week period every month, making up for the time lost after chemo. It feels though that it’s getting harder to do. It’s harder mentally to stay up and positive and be normal.

I will take it easier this week and hope to continue to improve.

Post script

A great dinner tonight. Excellent company, food and wine. What is there not to love about good Italian wine??

You know your 12 year old is fast maturing when she can spend the evening at the dinner table with adults and genuinely hold her own.

To top it all off Hawthorn finally managed to hold on and win a game of football.

All good.

Ate to much!

Social

A big morning of family sport. It was a cold, wet and miserable day. Stood outside in the rain with other devoted parents cheering netball and basket ball.

Kids had fun. I froze. Had a snooze this afternoon to recover.

We had friends over for dinner last night. It was a great night although late and a bit to much red wine was drunk! Loved it, needed it.

Tonight we are out again for dinner. Way to social! It’s like we try and fit one months worth of activity into the days that I feel half normal.

Would not have it any other way!

Good day

Had a good day. Had a friend visit for coffee today which was enjoyable. We had friends over for dinner tonight which was great.

Kids played basket ball and the adults ate, drank and chatted. Very civil!!

Feeling really good and looking forward to the weekend. Loving feeling good.

Same, same

Another cold and miserable day outside. I have spent the morning working in the study and looking at the rain falling into the pool. A little hypnotic.

I am really slotting into this home life routine as I greeted the washing machine repair man and spent time chatting with him as he repaired the machine. The Pelusi family had been asked to do one load for us as the machine died but the thought Adrian (or Sneza but that would not be likely)  doing our washing was a little to close for comfort. So an emergency call for help was made to Asko.

Anyway, its amazing the tips you can pick up for the efficient running of front loaders. I think there is a helpful hints book  for stunned not planned  stay at home dads (or mums) in me at end of this. So much to learn!

About to do some training. My friend and trainer is coming to visit tomorrow and will train me in the afternoon. I have reminded her that I am not the same person she was used to smashing before Christmas and to be kind. Time will tell how I handle that experience. I am strangely looking forward to it as I want to gauge how deconditioned I actually am.

I can always blame the chemo if I throw up!

A laid back day

Had a very lazy day today. Woke up late. Was visited today by a friend and her new baby, we chatted for a long time. I felt like a new mum arranging morning tea. Rather different for me but good.

It’s a cold miserable day and it was ok to be inside.

I will take Lily to cross country training tonight and then train a bit in the gym. Nothing to dramatic.

Slow week this week with nothing really planned.

For those reading in Australia my home has been taken over by the show “the Voice” not sure if this is happening elsewhere. Like master chief revisited. I am hiding in the study.

A system under pressure

The 1st of May today and four months of the new year have seemingly evaporated. Sometimes it seems like yesterday I was considering the news delivered by the good Dr (who has disappeared from the picture) and sometimes it feels like an eternity (well that may be a slight exaggeration). Reflected today that I and those close to me have been dealing with this for almost 6 months. Little wonder we feel drained by this thing sometimes.

I had my mid cycle tests today and met with the small team of individuals that are managing my care. We chatted and a new drug regime was considered and will be put in place for my next meeting with the black bag. What is clear to me is just how stretched and disconnected the health care system can be.

Underfunded and more often operating in silos it can be very difficult to engage with it and be cared by it. Well meaning, well trained professionals working in conditions that I believe are unacceptable. This is particularly true of those involved in research.

I find that my care is pretty much one dimenisional. I felt after todays appointment a little like a “data point ” and not a complete individual in need of care. As I am part of a clinical trial pre determined aspects of my response to the cocktail of drugs are collected, measured and evaluated with great precision. However, there is no overall care plan that I can see that consider’s a more complete aspect of care which includes my diet, importantly my mental state, my broader physical response to treatment etc. etc I believe when dealing with something like this you do need to put in place a broader apporach to patient care that can access the skills of a more diverse set of professionals on a needs basis that are also experienced.

It appears to be left up to the individual to assess and agitate for whatever they feel is needed or missing and the system is not easy to engage with. Far from easy.

Anyway thats my view of it.

I felt better today and Petra and I had the opportunity to attend the girls school and watch Siena present her “Passion Project” which she has worked very diligently at for the past couple of months. It was a bit of fun and Siena was great. She was beaming – such a sparkly kid! Her project was stage make up in keeping with the performer in her. We have all been models for her as she practiced.

In the end she selected Alessia as her final model.

I also started reading the Cadel Evans book and noted a couple pages in it was from Cliff and Suzanne. Mystery solved and a big thank you!

Much better

Although I slept badly last night today has been the best day since the 17th of April by a nice margin.

I have been out most of the day walking the dog and then visiting my brother. I feel much better.

Returned home to find a wrapped Cadel Evans book in our letterbox with no note or indication of who left it.

Thanks you to whomever left the book and I will read it with interest.

I have my mid cycle blood test tomorrow and I am meeting with the oncologist to discuss the drug regime which I hope can be improved.

I also shaved for the first time in a longtime, I was starting to look like a hobo and the girls hated it. I said I would shave when I started to feel better and it looks like my timing was good.

Good and bad

Enjoyed a dinner with good friends last night. Great food and good, diverse conversation. It was great to get out and have a few laughs. It was good for Petra to enjoy herself and catch up with her friends and be half normal.

I have been struggling with a stable sleeping pattern lately, I think it may have to do with not enough exercise. Not sure really but it’s bothering me.

Still having patchy days. Got up early and accompanied Lily to cross country running. It was a beautiful morning and it was enjoyable. Lily had fun and did well.

Since about 11 am I have felt pretty ordinary. Nausea, head aches and fatigue. It does my head. I am trying to stay off the drugs and clean and it’s harder physically.

Petra and girls went out for the afternoon and I was like a vegetable on the couch. Decided to go watch a friends child play local football to get out of the house. That was ok and a distraction.

Running out of ideas it keep my head right. I know I have to let this run but I am starting to get frustrated with this story.

Another nice Autumn Day

Made it to kids sport this morning. Sun was shining and it was good to be outside. Caught up with a few people I have not seen for a while. Allot of similar conversations.

Girls enjoyed their sport. I enjoyed watching.

By the end of it I was pretty tired.

I have spent the balance of the day in bed sleeping and listening to the football in dispatches. Necessary but boring.

We have been invited out to dinner tonight with a group of friends. Promises to be a good night. I have not seen two of the couples for a long time so I am preparing myself for the usual “20 questions”. All very normal and understandable but a little draining.

My plan will be to answer openly and quickly and with some luck we all will be onto better topics by main course!

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