My Unplanned Sabbatical

Tricky

A tricky day today.

The new drugs are better so that is positive. My Dr called and wanted to see me for a full medical as he was a little concerned about my persistent shortness of breath, the very sore veins in my hands and arms and my nausea. I could not make it today as I was picking up the girls but agreed to an appointment tomorrow.

My father and mother in law dropped in for lunch and a chat and it was good to see them. The State funeral for Jim was not my favourite viewing.

A psychologist linked to the room with the big blue chairs called me today to have a chat to determine how I was travelling. When I was last in for the juice I agreed to participate in a study for “beyond blue” and filled in a questionnaire. She had read it and was following up. It was a really good conversation and I was pleased she called. She will come and say hi when I am next in. Gave me some good options for dealing with the girls I had not thought of and I was appreciative.

On reflection I do think I am slightly depressed or blue. I don’t think that is unusual but I have noticed it of late. It has sort of crept up on me. I guess it always does.

Tomorrow I turn 48 and although it is just another day, this evening I have been thinking about this birthday.

I can say that the first 48 years have exceeded every expectation I may have had as a young adult of what my life would be like. I feel very fortunate in all aspects of my life and I am very thankful for this. Growing up in Brunswick and going to the state schools I did I was lucky to still have my teeth let alone get into University. The rest is history. A good history. This cancer though is shit, just shit.

So what of tomorrow and my future birthdays? I have never thought of having a finite number of birthdays, we all do this is true, but I have never contemplated it. Tonight I am, and it’s a little strange.

Petra is out with friends for dinner and the house is quiet. Petra needs a break, its hard being a carer. As a carer you are deeply engaged and impacted by the circumstances, yet detached. It’s just not happening to you, so its different. The girls are sleeping.

One of my closest friends has arrived from Canada to spend some time with me which is great. He is in Sydney tonight with another friend of mine. We plan on going to see Collingwood V Hawthorn this Friday night at the MCG which should be a lot of fun.

I think it might be time for an “Avitan” and to drift of to sleep. That is one great drug!

Tomorrow will be a good day.